REMOVING YOUR NEEDS TEACHES OTHERS THERE’S NOTHING TO MEET

If expressing our difference in wants and needs has previously imposed a cost on others, it can have a profound impact on the way in which we allow ourselves to continue receiving from others. So if you find yourself minimizing your own wants and needs to justify keeping a harmonious existence, remember that you’re teaching people there’s nothing for them to meet you.

Maintaining social harmony by not asserting your preferences tells them they can stop factoring you into decisions.
Preserving mutual connection by minimizing your own struggles tells them you don’t need help or support even when you do.
Avoiding inconvenience to others by preemptively shrinking yourself tells them it’s acceptable for the dynamic to stay one-sided.

If the only way to sustain social belonging is by suppressing your own expression from others, it lowers your baseline for what you could receive. You don’t just abandon yourself, you abandon others the opportunity to meet you at your level. Not everybody is going to respond to your wants and needs reasonably. But if you want to form the deepest bonds, the most considerate thing you can for others is to be honest with where you are and letting them sit with that.